~ichikagami

Fear. It is our body's response to stuff that we see as dangerous or harmful. It is developed through different ways. By experience, by connecting it to pain (or death), and by the strongest force ever created, words.

I am afraid of a lot of things, not unlike any other normal human being. I'm afraid to lose my friends, I'm afraid big monsters in my dreams, I'm afraid of death, and lots more. But these are our basic fears.

Now let's get down to the juicy stuff, my real fears. I've been keeping these stuff secret for so long, but now, maybe it's just time to spill it out, who knows? maybe someone out there has a certain solution to it. so, here goes nothing.

1.)
~Acrophobia. Yes, you've read it right. Acrophobia.
It's a pretty common phobia (i think). There are people who commonly mistake Vertigo for Acrophobia, but me? I'm pretty damn sure of it. I've been afraid of extreme heights ever since i was in the third grade. My parents (nor anyone else for that matter) never knew of it until we had a family outing to Tagaytay. They noticed that I was just under a tree, drawing, and facing the opposite side of what they thought of as a "great view." I've seen greater views, of which i mean, just a few centimeters off the ground. They kept asking me why i won't go near the cliffs, i just kept saying that i just wanted to draw the trees, heck right, i only draw anime, not sceneries. Until suddenly, someone (i just can't remember if it was my uncle or my dad) pulled me up and pushed me over to the cliffs. I got there, and i didn't like it. I couldn't move, I was immobilized. My stomach began to twist itself into a knot. I started crying. I knelt down in fear and in weakness. My breakfast just went down the drain. It was one of the most embarrasing days of my life, but as homer simspon would say it, the most embarrasing day of your life SO FAR. Everyone got worried, but no one pulled me away, i was still crying and my stomach still wanted to give out more food to the ground. My head was spinning, i thought i was dying, images flashed through my stupid brain, i was falling off a high cliff, then immediately dying upon reaching the ground. I was pulled away later by my parents, then they gave me the question i would never ever forget. "Are you afraid of heights!?" i was still stunned by what happened, but i nodded. Everyone there looked at each other with concern and confusion. I was already in 3rd year high school when they found out, and they kept askig me why i didn't tell them earlier. I didn't answer, all i wanted to do was go home and just dream i was dead.


2.)
~Veggies.
i'm not really afraid of vegetables. I just hate eating it.
I've never eaten vegetables ever since i was born into this world. It was something i swore to myself that i'd never ever eat. People would say, "Sus, maarte ka lang." But people like me would know that we aren't. There's just something about vegetables that doesn't appeal to my better nature. But recently, i've been getting over this. I've been eating different kind of vegetables. Baguio beans, cabbages, and even all the veggies in chopsuey. haha.


3.)
WARNING! VERY DISGUSTING! IF YOU WISH TO KEEP MY PRIDE INTACT, THEN PLEASE STOP READING, IF NOT, THEN BY ALL MEANS, READ THIS. (lol, who'd want to pass up a chance to stick your nose into other people's business? haha.xD)
~okay, here we go.
~Maids (no, i don't fear them, it's quite the opposite actually. too much the opposite.x.x)
This one is a secret that nobody, not even my best of friends, know. It's been a secret for 6 years, and only one person knows of this. She was a friend back when i was in 2nd year high school. We organized a clan that never prospered since we were too lazy to organize events and such, and besides, hindi pa uso unli nun, lol. I don't really remember the clan's name, it was soul something. We had over 15 members i think. But the clan founder/leader was the closest to me. I was the clan's vice leader.
Anyway, we're getting off the topic. One day, i was searching for an anime maid for our forums, we were going to use it as a banner. I found hundreds of art out there, but that's not the only thing i found. I just realized, this was the first time i tried searching (or even just looking at!) at anime maid. They were so beautiful, so cute, so gorgeous. Suddenly, my mouth started to feel all wet. I was salivating. For some unknown reason, my mouth was watering. I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I closed the window, went to the kitchen and spit out all excess. I got scared, i told our leader to just use some other picture for our banner. She asked me why, and i told her the story. Since we were really close, we could talk about anything, even some stuff that's not really decent. She told me "Wala yan. Libog lang yan!" We laughed, but me, i hoped she was right. She told me to search and try again, if it still happens, i was to tell her. And, without fail, it happened again, less saliva, but non the less, it happened. She said that there could be something wrong with me. Wow. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. She told me i might have some kind of "thing" for anime maids. She said it might be a fetish, but i said no. I knew what a fetish was. I mean, i loved anime maids the moment i saw it, i loved it so much, they were all just so beautiful, but i know that it wasn't a fetish. Up until now, when i see anime maids, my mouth gets full. Yes, it's something really really wierd, and sometimes, it's even impossible to believe. But it's true. I'm not forcing anyone to believe me, i just wanted you guys to know. Maybe some of you noticed --specially my classmates-- that i've never drew anything with a maid before, and that i'd never talk about maids. that's the reason why. And now, i give you some of my anime themed drawings, one of them is an old one, drawn months ago to see if i still have it, and yes, i still do. I actually have 8 of those drawings, but due to the other five getting wet of who-knows-what, i didn't scan it, the ink got smeared. The reason why i did this is because someone caught me. I was drawing a maid to try and overcome what i have for them, when suddenly, someone came in, and i started drooling, he screamed, "ANU YAAAAN!!!!?!?!?" then he ran and called for my mom, but not even my mom knew, so i quickly hid the drawing, wiped my mouth and swallowed some of the excess, (yuck!) and act natural. When he came back, mom wasn't with him, damn, i forgot she was on duty. He asked me what i was doing and what happened. I told him the whole story. He said, "That's it? Gagu. Libog lang yan." There they go again. "pero problema yan. maybe you should ask someone about it." (wow, spoken in dollar. haha.)

--End

Thanks for reading, if you think of me as a freak, thank you. I pretty much am a freak. And i accept that fact. I embrace freakiness. And i embrace my fears. I will try to overcome them, but not right now. Maybe someday. Someday.